Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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