I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
