My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
