I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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