doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I understand Curling. That high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
