My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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