is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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