Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we're so committed to being not committed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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