The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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