i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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