he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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