i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
