Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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