I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize