Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
