just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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