I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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