If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
