I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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