If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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