I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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