I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
