We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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