Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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