U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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