I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dick very happy bro
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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