My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
