Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
