Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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