Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
