Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
