I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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