I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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