I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to calm my uterus...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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