Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize