I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
