I'm gonna have a badass scar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
