I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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