yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize