The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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