How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
