You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize