so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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