3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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