he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize