Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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