Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
