Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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