threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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