Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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