I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize