I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
