idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
