You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
