Quick, to the slutcave!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
