I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
