She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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