i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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