The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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