So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i was in the wii world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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