It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
