I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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