I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize