i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We need to rekindle our bromance
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
