She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
