Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
