told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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