so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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