he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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